Humor quotes

Humor quotes - I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.

A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.

Nothing more cheerful than talking about our friends’ shortcomings.

A lifelong friend is someone you haven’t borrowed money from yet.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.

A joke is a very serious thing.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”

― Albert Einstein

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

― Mark Twain

“The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.”

― Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

“I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”

― Douglas Adams

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye.”

― Jim Henson

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”

― Robert A. Heinlein

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.”

― Charles M. Schulz

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”

― Terry Pratchett, Diggers